This article was published as a part of The Catch.
The Catch is the April Fool's publication of Walter Johnson High School's student newspaper The Pitch.
Articles published in The Catch are not factual.
The Pitch is Walter Johnson’s school newspaper. We often question if WJ students know that. It’s been around since the creation of this school, which was a really long time ago, yet many students still don’t know about it.
How do you know what is going on at WJ if you don’t read The Pitch? You probably just Google it. But in between your searches of trending news and random topics you feel like looking up, maybe take a look at The Pitch’s website.
Pitch staff see stacks of newspapers all over the school, which we know means a lot of people aren’t reading it. Pitch students are now picking classroom numbers out of a hat and are only distributing papers to those rooms. So if your classroom doesn’t get any copies, you know why. And if you forget to grab one, don’t worry, there will likely be a giant stack of copies in your teacher’s room for at least a month.
We want The Pitch to become like boys’ basketball playoff tickets, so that people will sprint through the halls, shove each other and get into brawls just to get the chance to admire the front page. We always have the latest news that you can’t find anywhere else, so why wouldn’t you be rushing to get a copy? That’s the real question.
Also, we want you to interact more with The Pitch by writing letters to the editor (No one ever does, but we’d really appreciate it if you would :)). If you don’t want a lot of people to see it, no worries! We’ll put it in the middle of the issue; not many people can flip more than two pages anyways.
We know The Pitch is made on thicker paper sometimes, but that’s not an excuse to not flip through all of the pages. You can just drink our madcow’s milk to gain crazy arm strength if you need that to flip through pages (check the milk story on Phillip Stubin in this issue to learn about this–need to add page number).
Also, we know reading may be unpopular now, but there are also photos and comics in The Pitch to look at it. Even if you don’t read, you can still enjoy The Pitch!
Basically we want you to read more Pitch issues, but if you don’t, we’ll still make them anyway. And now after hearing our perspective, you can feel guilty every time you don’t pick up a copy. I’ll be honest, though. If you don’t look at one, we won’t ever know, so we can just pretend you read it.
