This article was published as a part of The Catch.
The Catch is the April Fool's publication of Walter Johnson High School's student newspaper The Pitch.
Articles published in The Catch are not factual.
Extraordinary. Graceful. Unbelievably talented. No, these words don’t describe just any school dance team. These words aren’t even describing poms. These words describe male poms.
After a particularly underwhelming female poms season led by captain Sarah Epstein, WJ Athletic Director Tom Rogers decided to go in a different direction, replacing mediocre Epstein with his artistically intelligent best friend Tom Martin.
“I just feel like Epstein wasn’t delivering and the team needed a big change. What better change than the most dynamic man I know?” Rogers said.
With Martin in charge, the team went through some big changes. Before, the team was entirely female and did not allow for any diversity. Senior and new member Donny Campuzano, commented on the former team.
“Female poms was disgusting and sexist. Not one single male on the team. It really highlights the underlying male oppression this school encourages,” senior Donny Campuzano said.
After tryouts, Martin noticed the gleaming talent that senior Corey Criss possessed.
“He was so beautiful when he danced. He had something in him that Epstein just doesn’t,” Martin said, after replacing Epstein with Criss.
However, with Criss being the new captain it appears there’s been trouble in paradise with his romantic relationship.
“Sarah has been getting extremely jealous since I replaced her as captain of poms. It’s getting super annoying, and don’t tell her but I’m definitely going to end our relationship soon,” captain Criss said.
Their relationship isn’t the only one in jeopardy with the new changes in the poms lineup.
“All he ever wants to talk about is poms now. We used to have intellectual debates about climate change and Lithuanian literature, but now it’s all kickline this, snake that. I can’t take it anymore,” senior Sophie Becker dished about boyfriend and pom Carlos Corte.
Sophomore Callie Metzman was so desperate to keep her spot on poms, she dressed up as Carl – her boy alter ego. The facade deteriorated when her wig fell off in the middle of one of her turns.
“I was absolutely disgusted. She completely disrespected the entire art form. This is betrayal to the school and to dance,” senior Gabe Vordick said.
Regardless of the scandals, the new male poms team is sure to place at regionals and is a favorite in the county. With their hard work and persistence, male poms will surely take Walter Johnson to states.
