Location: 100’s Wing Gym Rank: #1 This bathroom has gone through a character arc. I still remember using it in my freshman year wondering as if I had just stumbled into the Ward 8 of high school restrooms. The lighting was off, the sinks were not working properly, and the soap dispensers were empty and far past their prime. However when I came back two years later I was astounded by the development that this bathroom had. It had been reformed into a respectable and usable bathroom, surpassing many of its peers. I truly believed that this bathroom was never going to amount to anything but here I was, in awe of its transformation.

Location: 100’s Wing Main Stairwell Rank: #2 This bathroom is the Ford F-150 of bathrooms. The iPhone 6. The No. 2 pencil. She ain’t pretty and she ain’t fancy, but she’s reliable in a pinch and will get 100% of the job done 100% of the time.

Location: Go2 (Gender Neutral) Rank: #3 This one is pretty solid. Generally well kept, and not quite as popular it’s somewhat of a hidden gem. Unfortunately the G wing front hallway’s boys bathroom is closer so there aren’t a ton of scenarios where this one makes sense to use, but it offers an extra degree of luxury for those willing to go a little farther.

Location: 196 (Gender Neutral) Rank: #4 The privacy here is unrivaled and for men such as myself it provides some worldly insight of what it’s like to have a public restroom without a urinal. However that epiphany is cut short when you realize there is a whole desk in here. Just chilling in the restroom. Why is it here? How did it get here? What kind of life altering events has this desk witnessed? I would watch a documentary about this desk, so if you happen to know its origin, please reach out to me.

Location: Locker Room Rank: #5 Despite the vague smell of sweat and vomit circulating through the locker room, this one actually isn’t that bad.

Location: Main Hallway 100’s WIng Rank #6 This bathroom houses an interesting quantum mechanics thought experiment called “Schrodinger’s Toilet,”. When the stall door is closed, is the toilet clogged, or unclogged? Before you open the door there is no way to prove the toilet’s state of congestion, making the toilets both clogged and unclogged. What differs it from the similar thought experiment of “Schrodinger’s Cat” is that in this case, the observable outcome’s do not have the same variability that the theorized possibilities do, as the toilets are always clogged.

Location: College and Career Center Rank: #7 This may seem like a normal bathroom but there have been strange occurrences known to take place here. Underclassmen flock to this bathroom as if they are being called there by some strange entity. Once they are there, a strong urge compels them to say something outlandish to their fellow restroom users while they are in the process of doing their business. The only explanation I have is that some paranormal entity wants to keep this bathroom sacred and pure, and I have no intention of disrespecting the wishes of the dead.

Location: G Wing Front Hallway Rank: #8 This one is pretty cramped and there’s no toilet paper roller in the stall. Trying to use the singular stall during class transitions is like waiting for a counter at the MVA. There’s usually a line, the atmosphere is both hectic and incredibly depressing, the guy using it is probably taking longer than he should because he’s high, and once you finally get to it it somehow manages to disappoint your already low expectations.

Location: Gym Area G Wing Rank: #9 There is a urinal out of order here. A urinal. How do you even break a urinal? Furthermore, how do you break a urinal so badly it needs to be bagged up and obscured from public view? The more I think the more it haunts me and the more questions arise. For your own safety, make your trips here brief as the spectre of insanity can creep up on even the most mentally sound individuals in the right circumstances.

Location: Cafeteria/Band Room Rank: #10 I once went in here and saw a kid violently twisting around the water spraying function in one of the urinals. He had toilet water all over his shirt. As I walked through in awe of his performance he turned to me and said “I’m fixing it,”. Absolute class. If only all students could care about our facilities as much as our good future bathroom engineer. Oh yeah, avoid this bathroom at all costs.

Location: G Wing Stairwell Rank: #11 Total garbage. The mirror has been ripped off the wall and the facilities very clearly don’t get the tlc they need. Washing your hands is futile; if you’re using this bathroom it’s already too late.