Dear Tilly,

Is it normal to feel like I am constantly inferior? Just walking through the hallways at school is enough to make me question myself, and I do so almost constantly. No matter how many all-nighters I pull or how many AP classes I take, I feel as though I am less than the people around me, and somehow worse than them. People often say to me, “Oh, you’re so smart!” and “Oh, you’re so pretty!” and so on, but I never feel like they actually mean it, and I can never bring myself to actually believe what they say. What should I do? What’s wrong with me? This is increasingly becoming a stumbling block in my relationships, and a barrier to overcome in my everyday life, but I don’t know how to break the cycle.

Sincerely,

Self-Esteemless and Confused

Dear Self-Esteemless and Confused,

It’s perfectly normal to feel inferior to people. However, some people try so hard to try to look and act like the person that everyone wants to be friends with that they lose sight of who they really are. The best thing you can do is to learn to love yourself. It’s not about being self centered, but rather about learning to accept yourself for the good and the bad. It may not happen until you’re ready, but it will happen and when it does, you will feel amazing.

To be honest, I have also struggled with the same issue for the past few years. I would walk down the hall and ask myself if I look good enough, if I  am nice enough, if I am too awkward, and it bugged me every day. It would be the only thing that I would think about, from the moment I woke up to the moment I got home. I wanted people to think of me in a certain way and like me. I cared way too much about what people thought, and believed that if they didn’t like me, there was no way I could ever like myself.  It took a few years till I finally learned to start liking myself again, and I’m still learning. Some people just don’t have the same issues as us. Some people have always liked who they are and only worry about a few little things about themselves. I’m jealous of those people who haven’t had to question themselves, because they haven’t gone through the same mind-torturing, self questioning experiences that we have.

It’s depressing to feel like you’re inferior to people and to question yourself, but it does get better the minute you start accepting yourself. It’s called confidence. I know you have it in you, but for now, just fake it until it’s real.

Sincerely,

Tilly