Dear Ali,

I’ve been in conflict with my father lately. He is rude and treats me poorly, treating me like a familiar friend rather than his son. However, if I come home 10 minutes after curfew or if I don’t call him at all hours telling him where I am, he goes on a belligerent tirade, yelling and throwing things around the house. My mother doesn’t do anything about this behavior. My older brother, who goes out late, drinks and does drugs, doesn’t receive the same treatment! I’m a pretty well-behaved kid, and I don’t know why my dad can’t just chill out. I’m going off to college in a few months, and I’d like to leave on a good note.

Sincerely,

Daddy Issues

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Dear Daddy Issues,

I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your father is not what you would like it to be, and I’m glad you wrote in. From a biological standpoint, teenagers are supposed to have strained relationships with their parents in order to prepare for the 17- or 18-year old to leave the nest. So it’s not unusual that this conflict is happening, if that makes you feel any better — it’s just hormones.

Also, since your brother has already left the nest, your parents probably feel that they have less control over him, and they are trying to savor their last year of overbearing parenting. There is not much you can do to alter the relationships of others.

However, I would suggest trying to have a conversation with your parents about your curfew. Talk to your mom first, and point out that, for the most part, you follow the rules and have never broken her trust. Instead of complaining about how she doesn’t do anything when your father punishes you, prove to her in a calm, mature manner that you should be treated differently.

If your mom responds something along the lines of “Talk to your father,” then figure out a way to set up your argument that would appeal to him more — for example, make a concession of calling him more often to let him know where you are. Another compromise could be to tell him of your weekend plans on Thursday evening, so he knows ahead of time where you will generally be. It may seem excessive at first, but once you prove that you can handle your freedom and make mature decisions, your parents will hopefully be less freaked out and allow you more leeway.

With this newfound trust, hopefully your father will also see you has a more mature person, and will stop playfully treating you like a frenemy.