As of 30 seconds ago, I was unaware of where the Winter Olympics were being held. A colleague of mine told me it was in Canada, and I remembered it was in Vancouver. This lapse in memory represents the larger issue of the Winter Olympics: no one freaking cares.
The buildup to the Summer Olympics in Beijing had the country ringing with enthusiasm. Michael Phelps, the “Redeem Team,” and Tyson Gay, among others, helped create this fervor. No one was disappointed after, and it was by all accounts a superb Olympics.
With the current Winter Olympics, I have not been too excited over it and neither has the media. There are many reasons for this complete lack of enthusiasm. Here’s a breakdown of why the Winter Olympics just don’t matter to me and many other people:
1.) There are no records to break.
This may not be entirely true, but what this means is that there are no notable records being attempted. There is no country-wide anticipation of any records. The Summer Olympics had the Michael Phelps Gold Medal hype, and Usian Bolt wowed the nation with his super-human speed. There is no Winter Olympics event that can match that type of hype, that type of national buzz.
2.) There are no “modern day heroes.”
These are the inspirational stories that cause soccer moms from Nebraska and teenager boys from the greater Washington, D.C. area to weep uncontrollably. For example, the 41-year old mother Dana Torres. She won medals well past the typical prime for swimmers, and she was a hero to millions. For the Winter Olympics, we got the speed skater with the goatee of a 90’s Boy Band Reject and some X-Treme athlete who looks like his diet consists of soggy cereal and Fruit By the Foots.
3.) The sports involved are not as entertaining.
The Summer Olympics is an eclectic array of water, track and court sports. Mainstream fare such as basketball or tennis is popular, and swimming and track are also well received. Gymnastics can be exhilarating, and yeah, I realized I just said that. Don’t care. And let’s not forget Girls Beach Volleyball. Only one sport could give the lovely image of George W. Bush smacking some bikini-clad butt. Winter, on the other hand, is limited in terms of variety of sports, as they all involve snow or ice, and there are an extreme lack of skimpy clothing. Other sports include figure skating, hockey, snowboarding, but not much else. After that, it gets Andy Dick weird. (Insert Curling Joke Here).
4.) It happens at a poor time in terms of TV Scheduling
The Summer Olympics have the benefit of being on the TV when the only competition for people’s attention is baseball games and reruns of “Scrubs.” The Winter Olympics, on the other hand, occurs during school and when there are new episodes of various TV shows.
5.) Kids in America do not play Winter Sports
Think about a Wintry Sport that a regular Walter Johnson student could play besides hockey, skiing, or snowboarding. There are none. Therein lies the main problem, which is that people like to have familiarity with the sports that they watch. Most people have, at one point in their lives, picked up a basketball. They have run around with their buddies. They have been in a pool. Even if they have not participated in any of these sports, they have at least been present in their lives. Hockey can not be played on any given day, you have to be on a team or have the drive to play on the team. Skiing and snowboarding is a sport you can only play in if you live in certain cold, mountainous areas, or one where you make occasional trips up state. And honestly, when is the last time you thought of bobsledding when it did not involved lovable Jamaicans and a soon-to-be deceased John Candy.
Well, the verdict has been reached. The Winter Olympics are for burnt-out curling-enthusiasts who don’t have souls. Boom.
