Now that it’s 2010, one cannot help but look into the future and wonder what the world will be like on Dec. 31, 2019. After a decade that never stopped being unpredictable, who knows what it will be like during the next 10 years. So I’ve decided to make it official and predict what will happen in the next decade. You can thank me later.
On Dec. 21, 2012, the Planet, as we know it, will end. It will send a ripple effect that will change the course of history as we know it. The apocalypse will occur, with the word “apocalypse” referring to the devastation Costco suffers after running out of 96 rolls of toilet paper. You have been warned.
In November 2016, Presidential candidate Sarah Palin will be elected as President and give her victory speech on top of a bunch of Moose carcasses. Just kidding; it’s actually former actor Matt Damon, who took a leave of absence from acting and decided to become the White House janitor during the Obama Administration. He then realized he could solve every public policy issue ever upon taking a glance at the White House Chalk Board that had the “To-Do List” of things to get done. Under the wing of the charismatic, bearded Al Gore, he discovers he can be the person that he always wanted to be. Oh, and he has his best buddy Ben Affleck come along for the ride as VP. The all-important dumbass vote.
On March 7, 2014, Taylor Lautner will accept his first of many Oscars for the role of Abraham Lincoln in “Honest Abe.”
During the year 2015, computers will become so small that children under the age of four won’t be allowed near them due to choking hazards.
On June 15, 2011, Tiger Woods will finally find true happiness and move to a Polygamist compound where he will be married to his 17 mistresses.
On Sept.17, 2012, the Jonas Brother’s will change their name to the Jonas Men, and still sing love songs to tweens for the next five years.
On Oct. 15, 2017, Apple will shock the world by releasing an iPod that only plays music.
On Aug. 19, 2018, an advance model of robots will be released on the world, and they will be programmed to coexist peacefully with humans and be their best friend, and then they will slowly gain emotions. Like Bicentennial Man.
On Aug. 22, 2018, robots will attempt to take over the world. A young-buck renegade cop will stop them from taking over the world. Like “I, Robot.”
On April 15, 2016, a new line of Toyota Cars will be released that run purely on Al Gore’s ego.
And on Dec. 31, 2019, the “Jersey Shore” cast members will have a 10-year anniversary party, introducing MTV watchers to a new decade once again. Snooki will be a Senator, Ronnie will own his tanning salon, married for the third time to his “Sweetheart” Sammi, and Mike “The Situation” will be a proud father of 10 plus kids. The patented “Jersey Shore Fist Pump” will once again welcome in a decade. And this crazy world might finally just get along. One Fist Pump at a time.
