Thanks to the fortune of Facebook, our generation hasn’t needed such a primitive form of communication like e-mail. However, our parents certainly haven’t neglected the ancient way of communicating, and they’ve even taken it to a new level. They’re “listserving” now, and well, it’s getting pretty ugly.
Let me give you a little history lesson. In olden days, going all the way back to the 1990s, one could join a listserv (list-surv (noun): an e-mail mailing list that allows people with a common interest to broadcast an e-mail to the entire group) and when subscribers receive an e-mail from another listserv member, they may choose to read it, send a reply to the entire listserv or just respond to the sender. And what do you know – there is a PTSA listserv right here at WJ.
I was clueless as to how drastically my inbox would change just by becoming a member of the listserv once my work on The Pitch required me to sign up for it. While I signed up to receive important school information and to have the ability to send e-mails out to the entire listserv when in need of sources for articles, I had no idea what I was getting into.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in favor of our school having a listserv and I feel that we need it. When people use it the right way, it’s quite helpful. For example, parents can seek referrals and announcements about school-related activities can be made. Yet, once people start using it the wrong way, it becomes my daily form of entertainment. When parents send e-mails practically for the sake of starting debates and the responders click “Reply All,” those of us not involved in your shenanigans would rather not have to manually delete every message. While these senders could at least do us the favor of avoiding that favorite tool of theirs, the “Reply All” button, that’s just not how it works, apparently. Over time, I’ve realized that many of these e-mails fall into certain categories, which I have explained and provided quite realistic examples of below:
My Signature is Longer than Your Signature
Apparently signing your e-mail with as many lines as possible makes you look special, important, highly regarded and many other things. Signing an e-mail with just your name is soooo not in style anymore. You let everyone know every single job and position you hold, along with every phone number, fax number and address that is associated with you.
Lista Serva-Smith, Esq., Mom.D
Super Duper Important Part-Time Lawyer By Day
1233 Activist Rd.
Bethesda, Md. 20814
Phone: (301) 803-7302
Cell: (301) 803-7106
Fax: (301) 803-803-7113
Listserv Mom By Night
123 No Life Way
My Home Office
The Bitch and Run
When a member chooses to send out an e-mail bringing controversy to the listserv and the “Reply All” responses are endless, we never seem to hear back from the original sender about this so called “huuuge problem.” If you want to start a battle, you have to stick around to fight it. No more bitching and walking away from your inbox or just sitting on the sidelines without hitting the keyboard to defend your point.
“My daughter noticed a ninja busting out of her locker today. I believe this ninja was nibbling on some of her lunch and this is a major problem. After calming my daughter down from this disturbing incident, I learned that the students eat lunch in the hallways. OH-MY-GOD. This is despicable. People walk on the hallway floors, and think about all of the bacteria. Do people walk on your kitchen table?”
(In the midst of the listserv debating the issue, we never hear back from the original sender. Thanks a lot.)
Just Letting You Know . . .
Some listservers love to send simple statements or announcement about something seen in the school or going on in the WJ community that is obviously controversial. While the initial sender doesn’t state his or her opinion and just states the area of possible concern, members of the listserv now feel like a threat to our children and community has been revealed and feel necessary to get into hissy fits debating their opinions. Thanks a lot to whoever sent that first message for letting us know about this.
“If the county plans to shut down school for Inauguration Day, it will interrupt exams. Could someone please provide me with information on what the school plans to do? Thank you.”
(Here comes the storm.)
The Wizard of WJ
There are just some people who live on the web, and well, just never come out to play. I had a fun interview with Principal Christopher Garran when I found out that some of the main people constantly e-mailing the listserv about topics and debating things, all via email, in the community don’t even show up to the PTSA meetings. If you’re going to dish it, you better be willing to take it . . . in person.
“I’d like to say that I am very against everything going on in the WJ community. There are gangs, drugs, lethal athletic fields and the list goes on and on. We need to get Dr. Garran and the administration involved, possibly fired. Maybe committees need to be formed to address these issues. I look forward to not seeing all of you at the upcoming PTSA meetings.”
The Self-Importance Statement
We all need a little reminder of how super important we are sometimes, and certain listserv members are no different. So when controversy strikes, some feel the need to start their e-mails naming some co-chair or chair position they hold, regardless of its relevance to the topic.
“As Co-Chairperson of Awareness on the Brass Knuckles Subcommittee of the WJ Gang Violence Committee, I would just like to put in my two cents on the artificial turf issue (minus the fact that my position has absolutely nothing to do with what we’re talking about).”
